the last 2%

learning when to hit pause

What is this? Dad holds a sprig of something green up to my nose.

Pine?

No, rosemary. What about this one?

I sniff. Mint!

Yes.

I look at the next pot. What’s this one?

He laughs. I don’t know either. But in a few months these will all become beautiful blossoms.

He points at something. I lean in and squint at the tiny buds peeking out of the leaves.

There were a lot of things I wanted to touch on this week — my most recent factory visit, thoughts on branding, team restructuring, my evolving relationship with being a founder. But I kept replaying this tiny moment at home on the balcony.

I walked through Guangzhou airport last week to fly home when I got hit with a very familiar view. A few more steps and it was confirmed. There, right after security on my way to the 200 gates, between the Huawei and the Starbucks is where I broke down crying last November. I had been so stressed from my busiest work season to date, constant travel, visa uncertainty, and personal challenges that felt all consuming at the time.

I walked through this time with a smile.

I came home for an inpatient procedure. I was actually looking forward to having forced bed rest and time to think, though reading it back that sounds a little sad. I spent a lot of time at the hospital learning about my procedure and the human body as a whole and am in awe of what our cells and organs and immune system do every second of every single day automatically, without outside direction. Unbelievably complex, sophisticated systems developed over millions of years that we still don’t fully understand.

Running a business feels almost … comically simple in comparison. Make decision A, talk to person B, update spreadsheet C.

I think the greater theme I’ve been circling is trust. A surrendering to the world, almost. And enjoying the moment for what it is. I used to grip everything so tightly, even if unconsciously. I would sacrifice endlessly to secure an outcome I had convinced myself was necessary, for some reason or another. But why? And what cost? The body, the world, this life is so much more intelligent than I can even begin to fathom. Maybe the lesson here is doing my best and learning to trust whatever comes next. Letting the world carry me sometimes instead of holding it up myself, which is an illusion anyway. I’ve been experimenting with this idea and I certainly feel better. A lot more balanced. And nothing has broken.

Sunshine feels warmer. Mango tastes sweeter. Stillness feels whole, not empty.

I’ve taken the pressure off of sticking to a format or sharing a neat takeaway on every single entry. Sometimes it’ll be a brand update, other times a snapshot of running a business, sometimes a more rambling stream of thoughts like this one. Because honestly this is what it’s been like to build, in this moment.

I hope you’re all doing well, and can take some time for yourself and being present this spring. Spending some time in nature. And if things aren’t so sunny — trusting that for every November there is a May around the corner.

xx, Jenny

dad’s plants ❤️